Advice - The pitch is too lengthy, and difficult for the customer to understand.
If I'm right in thinking this offer is "15% off an already slightly discounted range".. so say that slight discount is 10%, you then have to work out what 15% of the remaining 90% is expressed in terms of the original 100% and it all gets very confusing. Alternatively, the customer might think "15%" is the discount and not even realise that there is a secondary discount applicable that is applied before the 15%.
Just keep it simple and state "Launch offer! XX% off RRP until January 1st! Free shipping on orders over £55!". Done. One line, not 7 paragraphs, and you're not asking your customers to do their heads in with maths just to understand what it is you're trying to say.
Also, I would advise not selling Inner circle membership until your bricks and mortar store actually exists, otherwise if it doesn't materialise, you're going to upset people.
Seriously, that kind of thing just screams "scam", and as someone who has personally lost over £100 to an online GW discounter stealing his money (got burnt in the DWHS several a few years back), that kind of "give us your money now, and hope we deliver later" thing would turn me off the site in an instant.
I have to admit, tournaments in a brick and mortar store were the main thing I was personally interested in, but if you seriously want to compete as an online webstore I'm happy to share my thoughts on those too, having bought from pretty much every store out there.